Things are different, life changed, only one thing remains.....

"As I Strive to be" has long been left behind. Not that I had nothing to say.... just have been posting it on Facebook. As my title shows, life has changed. Not all changes were for the better or done on purpose. Some changes, while very difficult and painful, had to be made. Could I have done a better job handling things....? Sure. Could a lot of the pain been avoided? Maybe. It's done. No changing THAT now, so we move along and make the best of it.

I am now divorced... again. I am 45, two divorces behind me, 17 credits shy of my AA Degree and wishing I could finish, regret things that were done and gone or that need doing or saying but being unable, and slowly realizing that Multiple Sclerosis is stealing everything from me that I have used my entire life to define myself. I am adrift in the sea of life clutching my flotation device and praying it doesn't 'pop'.

While MS has stolen a lot from me, I am now safely in a relationship with a man that supports me and is going through it WITH me, not leaving me to cope alone and then being angry with me when I fail. It isn't a perfect relationship, but how could it be when the two people involved are not perfect. Perfection does not exist EXCEPT within Jesus Christ. That is the ONE thing that has remained, my love of Christ. I am NOWHERE near where I should be spiritually speaking. I acknowledge that. I have been living with said man for a little over 3 years, and we are not married. (Pausing for the *gasps* sure to come forth.) I do not regularly attend church. I regularly frequent a pool hall to play Texas Hold'em (not a sin), occasionally consume alcohol, and am a steady user of Marijuana for medical reasons though it is not yet legal in my state. Jesus still advocates for me, God still loves me, and the Holy Spirit still ministers to me. I try to not judge people, to love all unconditionally and STRUGGLE and STRIVE to be the best version of myself I can be without making waves. Waves could capsize my little floaty.

Love me, pray for me, and think of me often. While things are different and life has changed and will constantly change whether I like it or not, one thing remains... I am me... and Jesus loves me.

There is a Difference Between “Being Still…” and Doing Nothing.

Believe it or not, the Holy Spirit started birthing this lesson in me while watching the new version of “Karate Kid” movie. Right in the middle of the movie, the older, wiser maintenance man Mr. Han (the new Mr. Miyagi) was explaining to the young karate student, Dre, that there was a difference between being still and doing nothing. It really grabbed my attention, and the Holy Spirit started going off with-in me to the point I had to pause the movie and write down what He was telling me.

Let’s start in Psalm 46:1-11. I will be using the Literal Translation.

“Psa 46:1 To the chief musician. For the sons of Korah; A song. For the Virgins. God is our refuge and strength, very much found to be a help in distresses.

Psa 46:2 On account of this we will not fear when the earth changes and when mountains are slipping into the heart of the seas.

Psa 46:3 Let its waters foam; let the mountains shake in its swelling. Selah.

Psa 46:4 There is a river, its channels gladden the city of God, the holy tabernacles of the Most High.

Psa 46:5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be shaken; God will help her at the turning of the morning.

Psa 46:6 The nations roared; kingdoms were shaken; He gave forth His voice and the earth melted.

Psa 46:7 Jehovah of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is a refuge for us. Selah.

Psa 46:8 Come, behold the works of Jehovah, who sets ruins on the earth,

Psa 46:9 causing wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts apart spears; He burns the chariots in the fire.

Psa 46:10 Be still and know that I am God! I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth.

Psa 46:11 Jehovah of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is a refuge for us. Selah.”

Focusing on verse 10, many of us know and can quote “Be still and know that I am God.” I want to tell you, it goes deeper. I went word by word with the Strong’s Concordance to go back to the Hebrew and try to get the full meaning. While I will not read all of that to you right now, I do have copies of it for those interested. I do want to share with you the verse out of both The Bible in Basic English, and The Message Bible translations. The BBE states, “Be at peace in the knowledge that I am God: I will be lifted up among the nations; I will be honored through all the earth.” The Message Bible states it as, “Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything." I thought both were very powerfully worded and translated.

When I do a study, I cannot just go with the one verse, I want to read all that is surrounding it, to get the fullness of it and understand what that verse means in the context of the chapter. I found it interesting how many times the word “Selah” was used in just this one short chapter. I had heard it before, but I wanted the understanding of it as it was used here. Many bible scholars point to the fact it is a psalm, to be sung, and that Selah simply means pause or stop, so the singers would know to take a pause here. I think it is more than that, so I looked into it.

Selah

Seventy-one times it is mentioned in the Psalms, three times in Habakkuk.

From the Hebrew “shelah”, meaning "rest."

It is a call to calm reflection on the preceding words. Take notice of what you just heard. When Selah is mentioned in Psa_9:16 it follows the word “Higgaion” (pronounced hig-gaw-yone'), from the Hebrew, for "meditation", or, from its root word “hâgâh “ (pronounced haw-gaw') meaning to murmur (in pleasure or anger); by implication to ponder: - imagine, meditate, mull over, mutter, roar, speak, study, talk, utter.

The word Selah reminds us that the verse requires a time of peaceful meditation to comprehend what the Holy Spirit is trying to say. Stop. Think about, ponder, mull over what you just read or heard. Take it out and chew on it a while. (Quote verse 10 again) We are to be resting in the Lord, trusting in, relying on, and knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that God has our back. To think on this is action, it is doing something.

There are many people that consider the phrase “Be Still…” the same as “wait upon the Lord”. Okay, wait upon the Lord still has us doing SOMETHING.

Isa 8:17 And I will wait upon the LORD, that hideth his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him.

Isa 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Look, mount up, run, walk… they are all verbs, requiring action. Both of those scriptures have us DOING SOMETHING. There are many more scriptures I could use here to further show that waiting on the Lord is more than sitting on our backsides twiddling our thumbs waiting for Him to do something for us.

So now that we know being still is doing something, let’s look at doing Nothing.

Definition of nothing: a quantity of no importance; a concept that describes the absence of anything at all; often used to indicate the lack of anything relevant or significant; An absence of anything, including empty space, brightness, darkness, matter, or a vacuum; [This tells me that it is pretty easy to do something, because even “empty space” is something. How much more so would it be to just utter A pray, or A verse, or A song or psalm?]; (Nothing also means) something trifling, or of no consequence.

Do nothing: marked by inactivity or failure to make positive progress.

Nothingness: the state of nonexistence; empty rhetoric or insincere or exaggerated talk.

This one got me. How many times have we sat around doing nothing while saying to God, “… but I am going to do…” whatever…? Are you all talk and no action? Do you put any action to your faith? Does your faith have feet? Is it going anywhere? Or do we expect God to do it all? Or the Pastor? Or the Kid’s church leader? Youth Pastor? Elders/Deacons/Ushers? If we really want THE church (not just any specific church, but also the Kingdom of God) to grow, we HAVE to do more than SAY it, we have to do MORE than pray. It starts with prayer, but then we have to put feet to our faith. Walk up to someone and invite them to church. Go out and feed the hungry, cloth the naked, visit the sick, share the gospel…

In searching the Bible for any mention of, or anywhere in the Bible where God told us to do nothing… I came up empty-handed. I did a Google search, and again, was unable to find one example of God telling us to do nothing. However, I did find this: If you have any question as to what you are to do, while waiting upon the Lord to tell you something specific, try this…

Jeremiah 22:3 (Good News Bible)

"I, the LORD, command you to do what is just and right. Protect the person who is being cheated from the one who is cheating him. Do not mistreat or oppress aliens, orphans, or widows; and do not kill innocent people in this holy place.”

Colossians 2:6 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him:

2 Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

2 Peter 3:18 Let the wonderful kindness and the understanding that come from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ help you to keep on growing. Praise Jesus now and forever! Amen. CEV

Matthew 28:19 & 20 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

(20) Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Micah 6:8 The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." CEV

Acts 13:47 The Lord has given us this command, "I have placed you here as a light for the Gentiles. You are to take the saving power of God to people everywhere on earth." CEV

We have plenty we can be doing while waiting on the Lord for direction. Question is, are you doing it? Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet.

Everything changes

First Blog in a while, sorry =(

I have come to realize (with age & experience) that everything changes. Ready or not, here change comes. Change is constant. If you are not changing, I wonder if you are alive. Some things need to change; others are fine, but change anyway. People change, economy changes, weather changes, fashion & styles change.... Everything changes. Except for the Word of God. The delivery and execution may change, but His Word stands. Like a beacon of hope on the ever changing shores of our life, His Word remains. Our "coast line" may change because of the pull of the tide and time marching on... but there is comfort in knowing that the tide will continue to pull. It is almost like a challenge... Can you keep up with me? Can you remain unaffected while ever changing? Adapt or die. Ultimately, all we can control is how we react.

Sometimes we work hard to bring on a change. When people refuse to notice or acknowledge the change, it can hurt or cause you a momment of pause. The important thing is to embrace the change, knowing God is with you, and you can stand firm in Him even when the sand is moving under your feet. Do not allow the negative forces coming at you to change you in a negative way. Do not let life or the people in your life determine the flow of your life. Only God, and His Word. What I want to say is kind of hard to explain, so let me give an example using water and shorelines, since that seems to be the flavor of this blog.

In man's infinite wisdom (please read the sarcasm in my voice) he decided that the Mississippi River should not empty into the Gulf of Mexico where it was naturely flowing. They changed the course of the river by using levies and altered the flow of the river. If that was not enough, they decided to build a city where the river used to flow into the Gulf. Then man "mis-appropriated" funds instead of maintaining said levy. Then man wants to shake his fist at the heavens when the levy breaks, and the water wants to follow its natural flow. Catastrophy strikes. It is not God's fault, nor is it the River's fault that homes were flooded.

When we as people let other people determine the natural flow of our lives, no matter what their intentions, catastrophy can strike. When we trust God to help us make changes, He has the creative ability to completely alter our natural flow, not just fake it with levies. Also, when God helps us alter the flow, do not let yourself be tempted to go back and follow the old path. It is dry and barren, and only leads to catastrophy.

Stand firm in God's Word, let the tides come, and ride out the natural changes in life. God is faithful to keep you; and if you lose your way, God is a beacon to shine you back to where you belong.

The little things that bless us =)

I love how God is in the details. His word says he will give us more than we could ever think or ask. (Eph 3:20)

I just ordered some christian books online, and was very excited at the new Bible I ordered because it will be the very first Bible that I have ever had that will be brand new, not a hand-me-down. Don't get me wrong... I was and still am very thankful for those Bibles. They have been great study aids through the years. They were already high-lighted at some key passages, sharing the giver's insight into the things of God. I find myself learning more and more, and was so excited over this new study Bible for 2 reasons. (1) It is a really good study Bible. (2) I get to mark & high-light MY revelations from God as I study his word. It feels so fresh, like I am seeing some things for the first time, on my own by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, not just because it was already marked. Ok, back to my ordering them online....

I was looking for a really good study Bible, preferably not King James because while I LOVE the KJ version, sometimes it is a little difficult to understand. I wanted a New King James version, with really in depth explanations and breaking down of the original Greek or Hebrew languages. All I could find was one that was NIV. After looking around, I decided to get the NIV version because of the study guide part of it. Well... when I finally received my order in the mail, guess what? They no longer had the NIV version, and sent me one in place of it with the option to return it. It was a NKJ version, which I wanted all along. AND it had a really pretty colored leather cover. I know that may seem so small and insignificant... but that is my whole point. God knew I really wanted a certain type, so that was the type I got. That is only one of the many blessings I have received lately.

Probably the hugest thing that has happened to me in the last month... is when I received a confirmation IN the MAIL that a HUGE financial problem my husband and I were believing for was taken care of.... I do not know how or who... All I know is that we tithe (sometimes to the point it hurts) and we believe and God has made a way were there seemed to be NO way. One day soon I fully intend to share the details regarding this miracle.. and trust me, it is a miracle =)

You cannot out give God. If you have a need, please let me encourage you to give. I know in the natural that seems backwards. That if you give, all you do is cut yourself short. I am here as a witness, with a testimony of how God has supernaturally moved not just once, not just twice, but many times in my life. Remember, it is He that gives & gives exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.

I Would Die for You

I absolutely LOVE the MercyMe song "I Would Die For You" from their Coming Up To Breathe cd. Google or YouTube it, it is so worth hearing. You can also hear it on my mixpod on my profile page. Here are the lyrics:

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near
And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why You're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

And I know I don't have much to give
But I promise You I will give You all there is
Can I possibly do less
When through Your own death I live?

No greater love is found
Than of those who lay their own lives down
As sure as I live and breathe
Now I know what it means to be free

I know how hard it is to die to self; how hard it is to trust anyone enough to fully surrender over every part of your being, yet this is what God requires of us. This is what he longs for and desires. I encourage each of you to try your faith, and proclaim as Job (13:15), "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him...". God gave his all, gave his son to die, that we might live for him. Not with our words, but by completely and utterly giving ourselves over to him. Throw yourself onto him, and trust he will catch you. Think of a time when you have been away for a few days, and when you returned, your child ran at you and flung themselves into your arms, fully trusting you would catch them. We are God's children, and he will catch us.

Giving ourselves fully over to him means dying to self. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have died, but Christ lives in me. And I now live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me."(CEV). Galatians 5:24 states, "And because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelings and desires."(CEV).

Another way to look at it is by reading John 15:13-15, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends, if you do whatsoever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what the master does. But I have called you friends, for all things I have heard from My Father I have made known to you." Most people read this with just the understanding of loving one another being very important, or deeper, that as Jesus called us friend, that he was letting them know he was about to lay down his life for them. Now flip that. Jesus called us friend. I am a friend of God. No greater love can I show than to lay down my life for my friend Jesus. I will lay down my life for God.

True freedom is what we get when we choose to give it all away. A close and personal, intimate friendship with God can only be achieved by giving it all away. Give it all to God. Give Him your life, give him your dreams, give him your hopes. Give away the pain, give away the doubt, give away guilt, frustration, strife, envy, pride, self-loathing, shame, and greed. Give Him your time, your love, your friendship. Test him. While I know it was referring to tithes, I feel it also pertains to His Word, Malachi 3:10 tells you to test Him. Read the whole chapter, He is talking about the differences between believers and non-believers. Believers tithe and are blessed, TEST ME For I am God, and I change not.

I challenge you, as God the Father did in Malachi, Test Him... I dare you =)

First ever blog =)

Hi All!!!

Welcome to my blog "As I Strive to be...". Everyday I want to focus on striving to be closer to God. I want to be the woman, the wife, the mother, sister, daughter, and friend, he has called me to be. I want to immerse myself in the will of God, in the Word of God, and in the presence of God.

I will be sharing some of my favorite christian links, books, music, sermons I have heard, scriptures I have read, and lessons I have learned. I hope to inspire and encourage all my readers (assuming I have readers) to desire a closer walk with God. Please feel free to share with me any comments, ask any questions, and call me out on anything needed. Enjoy!